Pilar’s Last Days

Uncle Dante and Auntie Lita

Mama hardly said anything if at all from Friday through Sunday even though visitors came in and out through the day.  Uncle Dante and Auntie Lita were there every day. Others who came to visit were baby Annika and her mom, Carmela Marfil, Leonardo Wee, Irene Hassan, Vic and Chit Pabellon, the Mother Butler group, Caloy, Madie, and their children of course, who just lived upstairs, and other people who escape my mind now, so please forgive me if I forgot to mention you.

Annika - Apo sa tuhod

We purchased a bulb syringe to try to clear Mama’s throat of phlegm or saliva when she started choking from drinking fluids. She was also having difficulty swallowing by this time and took all her energy just to sip water from a straw when taking her medications. Because of the heat and humidity, the caregivers changed her clothes frequently which was no easy matter because these were house dresses and not hospital gowns. Under the circumstances, we did our best to keep Mama as comfortable as possible.

Mama was on oxygen by nasal cannula all day and night. By Friday, the oxygen was running low and Caloy with his trusty handyman, Erning found a wrench in case we had to switch the regulator from one oxygen bottle to a backup one if the delivery of a new bottle didn’t come on time. It turns out that the regulator came with its own wrench as Larry told us. We just had to find the box it came in. I tried transferring the regulator to the backup bottle but heard some hissing indicating a leak. Fortunately, the oxygen company delivery guy came shortly and showed us how to detect a leak by using soap bubbles. It turns out, I only had to put more muscle into it to tighten the valve. Well, we can always learn something new every day, can’t we?

With Madie and Ate Chit present on Saturday, they went through Mama’s dresses to pick out what she would wear at the end. They knew Mama’s preferences very well and picked out a pretty cream colored ensemble that Mama would have approved of.

With Notre Dame classmates at Palmeras Restaurant on Notre Dame day.

I had to leave Mama for a couple of hours Saturday night because my Notre Dame of Jolo classmates invited me to dinner at Palmeras Restaurant. It was going to be a mini reunion on Notre Dame Day!  Mimi and her son picked me up and we encountered the worst evening traffic on the way. The car could barely move at the corner of Nunez Street and Governor Alvarez Avenue. What normally would have taken 10 minutes took half an hour. The same group that met me at Amil’s the week before was there minus Nayda, but plus Delia and Fatmawati. Earlier in the day, Delia sent mangosteen, homemade durian preserve, native organic Jolo coffee, and itlug payukan (I will not translate that last one because it’s supposed to be illegal obtaining them anymore), to Mama’s apartment. We had Japanese cuisine that evening which I offered to pay for but my classmates declined again. An equivalent of less than 75 dollars fed 10 people Japanese food with much left for doggie bags! A great time was had by all but we had to say our goodbyes pretty soon. People don’t spend too many late nights out in that city. I thought it would be a few years before I would see my classmates again.

I was driven home by Mimi and her son after dropping off Delia at her hotel. I checked on Mama and the caregiver said she hadn’t complained of any pain while I was gone so I was relieved to hear that.

Sunday, I was out for my early morning walk again then attended mass at St. Joseph’s cathedral, where I saw Mama’s doctor with her family up front. On my way back home I stopped by Morning Sun Satti House to say goodbye to Solomon because I was leaving early Monday morning. I invited the Tupaz family to lunch and we went to Lantaka Hotel’s Sunday smorgasbord after they went to mass at 11 a.m.

A view from Lantaka Hotel showing the Port of Zamboanga and Santa Cruz Island beyond

When we returned home, the morning shift caregiver – Joanna reported that she was concerned about Mama’s low blood pressure so we monitored that closely through the day. It went as low as 70/40 which was cause for much concern even though Mama’s pulse was strong and constantly in the 100 to 110 range. When Joanna got that low reading she burst into tears. I rechecked it and it was similar even though I got 82 for the systolic. We couldn’t really do anything about it. Mama was having what is called fluid volume deficit due to lack of fluid intake, not to mention food. I told her to hang on and that I was leaving the next day to go back to the States, and that Larry will be with her in a few days time. But I had a feeling at that point that Mama wasn’t going to let me get off that easy in leaving Zamboanga. I can only imagine what she was thinking (“oh no you’re not!”). So I made a mental checklist of what I had to do if the inevitable happened while I was still there. Since arrangements for Mama were already done, all I had to do was contact my work supervisor via email in case I had to extend my leave, and rebook my flights. I also made a backup plan for Auntie Beth in California to call my supervisor in case she doesn’t get my email over the weekend. As for Mama, we can only monitor her. Because of her difficulty swallowing, I told the caregivers to hold all her maintenance medications because those were inconsequential at that point. Basically they were blood pressure and acid reflux medications plus multivitamins. Her blood pressure was already too low and there was no acid reflux because she wasn’t eating. She had to reserve all her energy to take the pain medications because that was all that mattered now.

I tried going to sleep but because of the situation, I couldn’t. I expected a phone call or text message to come at any time, and it did at 1 a.m. The text message from Neneng just said “sir Noel”. I rushed to Mama’s apartment and saw that she had started gasping for breath. It was no longer the usual the respiratory pattern I had observed consistently during the past week that I had been there. I held her hand, felt for her pulse with the other and detected that her pulse rate had slowed down considerably. I whispered to her that we loved her and that it was okay to let go and to say hello to Papa for us. Part of me felt like getting a panic attack and getting out of there to avoid the situation. In Mama’s last few moments, I prayed to God to help her go peacefully and to give me the strength to handle the situation and not freak out. Thank you God for being so accommodating. Drawing one last deep breath, Mama left the earthy world and to her Maker’s hands, also reuniting with Papa, no doubt. The date was September 10, 2012, 1:05 a.m.

I called and woke Larry up a few minutes later and told him our Mama was gone, and he prepared to return to Zamboanga on the next available morning flight.

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Zamboanga – The First Day: A Day of Two Reunions

I had asked my brother to make reservations for 9 nights at Amil’s Pension House which was directly across the street from our mother’s apartment. I stayed there my first night in Zamboanga but since Mama’s landlady offered a vacant apartment for us to stay in, I moved in the next day. That saved us a few thousand pesos. A few days later, I asked Madie, the landlady if we could settle the accounts for the duration of our stay and she declined payment. Thanks Caloy and Madie, for your generosity and hospitality.

 

The night I stayed at Amil’s, I was awake by 3 a.m. and watched the U.S. Open and when that was over, I tried reading an ebook. Still, I was unable to go back to sleep and couldn’t wait until dawn came so I could go out for a walk or a run. Exiting the hotel in the morning, I turned right. In my disorientation the night before, I thought that led to Veterans Avenue, the street my mom’s hospital was in. After a short block I saw Plaza Pershing. Hmm, I should not be in that area if I wanted to go to the hospital. So I turned around and on the other end of the street, I hit Veterans Avenue. Well, I only made it halfway to the hospital because I was rapidly approaching the time I allotted myself for exercise that morning. So I walked back to the hotel, took a shower and stepped outside looking for Jimmy’s Satti House to satisfy what I was craving for in decades. Well, immediately to my left from the hotel entrance was Morning Sun Satti House so I went there instead. The man there showed me some liver cubes skewered on a stick but I opted for cubed chicken meat instead. I consumed 10 sticks of chicken and 3 tamus (rice cubes) in my first taste of satti since 1989. When I went to pay, it only the equivalent of less than 2 dollars for the meal.

Fifth grade classmate Solomon - owner of Morning Sun Satti

I went back to the hotel to get myself ready to go to the hospital and as I passed Morning Sun, the man I ordered the satti from earlier asked me in the Tausug dialect if I was Noel. Detecting my surprise, he introduced himself as Solomon, a former elementary school classmate in 5^th grade. Of course I remembered who he was because there was only one Solomon who was ever my classmate. We exchanged pleasantries and stories. He also happened to know Mama lived across the street so he asked how she was doing. I told him I was just on my way to visit her at the hospital.

Just then, I received a text message from Famy, a high school batchmate that her husband (an esteemed Jolo judge, no less) was on his way to my location to deliver some durian. So I waited for him before going to the hospital and a few minutes later, he showed up in his SUV with a box on the roof. I was expecting durian in a plastic container that was ready to eat and not 7 whole unopened durian fruits in a huge box on top of a judge’s car! The durian was sent from Jolo by another batchmate, Delia, the previous day. Oh my, my classmates sure know how to welcome me back after having disappeared from them since 1973. The judge was on his way to play tennis so I took the durian and brought it to my mother’s apartment. The hotel did not want the fruit in their premises due to the smell. I took up Mama’s landlady’s offer and moved in to the vacant apartment after checking out from Amil’s Pension House. Then I took a tricycle ride to the hospital to see Mama.

Aside from the nurses, Mama was being cared for by a recently hired caregiver – Neneng, and a helper – Andrea. So they were there attending to her needs when I arrived at the hospital. Mama was not very talkative and was grabbing some shuteye here and there. I told her about meeting Solomon and the durian delivery and how her apartment now smelled of durian, so she won’t be surprised when she went back home. Neneng left shortly (she worked the night shift) and I was left with Andrea who was busy as usual texting with her boyfriend (Mama already informed me of this in our telephone conversations). Well, that’s better than having no helper at all so it was a compromise she was willing to make. Around noontime, I begged my leave from Mama to go to lunch and also told her I was meeting my classmates at Amil’s at 3 p.m. for a small reunion. I walked down Veterans Avenue heading towards where the apartment was, looking for a place to eat. When I reached Pilar Street, I was resigned to having another round of satti. That’s when I saw Fat Belly restaurants’ offering in pictures on their front window. It showed pyanggang, tiula itum, and kulma among the items,  and I felt as if I was in Tausug heaven. I immediately ordered one of my favorite Tausug foods – pyanggang with rice. I polished off the first cup of rice and ordered an extra one. Oh my, was that meal a gustatory delight! And get this, it was a low fat meal to boot. The cost? Less than two and half bucks. I vowed to go back to that restaurant to sample more of their offerings.

I went back to the apartment and tried to take a nap before meeting my classmates. I heard the doorbell ring and looked out the window. In comes Leonard whom I wasn’t expecting. Remember classmate Leonard who visited the U.S. two years ago and whom I toured around Shoreline Village? He just happened to check Facebook and saw that a bunch of classmates were meeting that afternoon and having known Mama’s apartment, took a chance and came to see if I was in. So we talked a little bit but he had to leave. He said he would be back for the reunion at Amil’s.

Just before 3 p.m., I headed to Amil’s and immediately saw a lone female sitting in the hotel’s eatery. It was no other than Mimi. We hugged each other then tried to catch up about goings on in life. The others slowly trickled in – Cecile, Lorna, Nayda, Salma, Dolly, Famy, and Leonard (did I miss anyone?). We left Amil’s and walked a short way downtown to look for a place to eat. Pretty soon we entered Love Life Snack House which specialized in pastil, empanada, and halo halo and that was exactly what we ordered. Incidentally, at least 3 of us in the group were unmarried, thus did not have a love life. I offered to pay for the snacks but my classmates kindly declined. The lot was already funny when communicating on Facebook and were even funnier in real life with their facial expressions. Since I couldn’t carry too much weight in my luggage, I passed around dollar coins to everyone as a souvenir. After the snack, they vowed to see me again before I left Zamboanga.

I went back to Mama’s hospital and saw that the Nono family was back keeping her company. Together we awaited my brother’s arrival from Manila. Well, the airline changed its schedule so Larry didn’t arrive till 8 p.m., about the time I texted him and he responded that he just landed.

Larry came inside Mama’s hospital room shortly and the three of us were finally reunited after thirteen long years. Mama mustered a weak smile when a photo of the three of us was being taken. What was left of Iking’s family was together again.

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