Sunday - A Fateful Decision Day

Sunday Morning with Mama

After all the visitors left on Saturday night, Larry and I stayed in the hospital until visiting hours were over at 10 p.m. We went back to the apartment and for the first time since 1973 when I was 15 and he was 10, we were roommates again. I was too tired to do anything else so while he tinkered with his newly bought 3G (I’m guessing) internet connection dongle, I went to sleep right away amid 3 chihuahuas yapping away outside. The nightly yapping was going to be the norm for the duration of our stay.

 I woke up at the usual 3 a.m. and just tossed and turned in bed while my brother snored away. Just like the previous day, I was out the door for my workout by 5:30 and this time I was determined to reach Western Mindanao Medical Center (WMMC) by foot. I started walking in the right direction that morning and pretty soon started jogging. The sidewalks are small in this city and sometimes you have to step off due to an electric post blocking the way, but at the same time dodge vehicles on the street in addition to ubiquitous stray dogs and their resultant poop. I made it all the way to the hospital, went upstairs to Mama’s room, saw that she was still asleep and motioned to caregiver Neneng that I would be back later. I powerwalked all the way back to the apartment. So how far was it each way? My best guess based on my walking pace was only about a mile and a quarter. Someone told me the previous night he thought it was about 3 kilometers, which is much less than the 1 1/4^th mile I estimated.

Satti with Larry

When I got back to the apartment, Larry was already up and after I took a shower (actually, a pail and dipper type of shower), we decided to hit the satti place again for breakfast. We left for the hospital right after and when we got there, Mama reminded us that there was a mass in the hospital at 10 a.m. (it didn’t start till 11, more on Filipino time later). We got a call from the Pabellons  informing us of a meeting we should have with the Tupaz Family (Mama’s landlady) at 3 p.m. to make decisions about Mama’s care, since Larry and I were finally there. Those two families have been the go-to people whom Mama relied on in our absence. I reiterate that we cannot thank them enough for taking care of our Mother the past few years and especially the last few months when she started ailing badly.

The meeting was held at the Pabellon residence and it was to plan for the inevitable. What do you ask was the inevitable? Sensitive as the topic was, it was a necessary discussion. What were Mama’s wishes? Where would the wake and visitation be (La Merced) and for how many days (2)? She already had a burial plot, did she also have a memorial plan (yes)? Will she be buried side by side with Papa or on top of him leaving a vacant plot aside (on top)? Finally, are we going to keep her in the hospital and continue treatment for what may or may not be pneumonia with no assurance that powerful antibiotics might help?

The first of Mama’s wishes was already fulfilled the previous night and that was that she, Larry and I were together again. Her second wish was to get discharged from the hospital, and the third being that she not die in pain. Another wish she had was to have a decent casket worth at least close to 100,000 pesos and proper religious rituals and services that she can be proud of. She had already set aside money for that. As usual, Mama had planned way ahead of time. Assignments were given to who was to foresee the prayers, masses, refreshments and other food. Larry was going to check on Mama’s memorial plan coverage, the funeral parlor, and the burial site requirements as well as the funeral mass. I didn’t have anything to contribute because I wasn’t familiar with the ins and outs of Zamboanga City. The final decision to be made was what to do with Mama’s hospitalization. We decided to meet Mama’s wish to go back to her apartment while continuing her maintenance medications and her pain pills (Morphine and Ultram or Tramadol). Out of respect for some people and because of their extreme kindness, I shall not write about the proselytizing which happened afterwards. Although it may help some people, it was just not for me. So sorry about that. So with all the decisions made, Operation Pilar was set in motion.

Nurse checking Mama's vital signs

We returned to the hospital to see Mama and let her know that we were going to ask her doctor to discharge her but not before consulting with the doctor the next day. By the way, the doctor started Mama on Morphine on this day because she was complaining of pain and the Tramadol was not helping much any more.We stayed with Mama until the hospital was ready to kick us out at 10 p.m.

*A side note – I don’t remember if I met the Tupaz family for the first time on Saturday morning or Sunday morning.

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Momsie in Weemsie in Zamboanga City

I approached the Western Mindanao Medical Center (WMMC - locally, they call it weemsie) front entrance and the security guard checked me for weapons. He didn’t inspect my bag when I told him I just arrived from Manila and was there to see my mother on the third floor. I then rode the elevator then asked the nurses at the nursing station where room 324 was. After all those years being gone, I was about to see my mother again, though not under the best circumstances.

The last time I was in Zamboanga City was for the funeral of my father 13 years ago. Mama was still very much in charge and choreographed the visitation, wake, and funeral with ease. At the time Mama portrayed strength and determination to see things through during Papa’s final farewell, as I’ve never seen her done before.

I knocked lightly on the door of room 324 then entered. My first glimpse was of cousins Mary Cate and Claire, and Uncle Dante and Auntie Lita. As I approached, I saw dear Mama to the left in bed. I excused myself from my relatives and greeted Mama first. In the best American accent I could muster,  I said “Mom, I made it!”, then held her hand and kissed her on the forehead. A faint smile came across her face. I wasn’t sure if she was expecting me to be there with her so soon. In her weakened state, she wasn’t able to talk very much but our shared silence spoke enough volumes of the gratitude we had being together again after more than a decade of separation.

I turned my attention to our relatives who until about a couple of months ago didn’t know about Mama’s worsening condition. It was through Facebook that I found one of my cousins (the younger brother of Cate and Claire) whom I never met in real life, and asked him to inform his Dad and Mom – Uncle Dante and Auntie Lita, about Mama. They had been visiting Mama frequently since then. Uncle Dante is the last remaining sibling of Mama who is alive.

Half an hour after I saw Mama, the Pabellon Family arrived. Kuya Vic, Ate Chit, and Jing came from the airport where they went to pick me up. But because of the plane arriving 10 minutes early and my quick exit from the terminal, we missed each other. Pretty soon, photos with Mama were being taken, knowing that the opportunities of doing this were dwindling in the coming days. These photos will be cherished forever.

Mama asked me what I had in my luggage, knowing full well I had brought chocolates as she requested. I opened my bag and unloaded a dozen 6 pack bags of fun size chocolates of all kinds (boy, have they downsized those things!). Mama proceeded to verbally dole them out to those present. I didn’t keep track on who got what and how many. They were Mom’s goods to give out however she desired.

My brother Larry arrived the next evening and we were able to fulfill the first of Mama’s last wishes – the three of us being together. Thank you, Larry, for asking me to come home much earlier.

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