Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Life Unencumbered

What has it been like to be single for so many years? As a bachelor and someone who likes to keep his life as simple as possible, I find it very convenient and uncomplicated. Having said that, I meant to write this as soon as I got an inkling that a female co-worker seemed to like me. I don’t know why she would. I’m not exactly a very nice person when I’m seriously busy with my job. Of course when there are lulls at work, we joke around. My sarcastic and dry humor seems to amuse her, or at least she pretends to be amused. Maybe it’s because we are the same age and both without relationships that we are getting along well. It didn’t use to be that way when she first started working with us a few months ago. I thought she talked too much and when I was doing an admission one night, she kept on interrupting, which didn’t exactly sit well with me. We also had differences of opinion on whether to give patients food in the middle of the night depending on what supplies we had available.
She has more life experiences than I do and she probably has been around the block a couple of times more than I have. If I’m not mistaken, she had been married and she has a daughter and a son. She also seems more the outgoing type while I’m a homebody. She is not into physical fitness as I am obsessed with it, but she is working on getting in shape and has asked me questions on how that can be achieved. She is also a smoker which may be a deal breaker for me.
Although there have been some minor flirtations, they have been more of the joking kind. Tonight she took the first initiative and asked me to enter my phone number on her cellphone, and in turn she gave me hers. I don’t know where that’s going to lead. I know how complicated things get when you go out with people you work with. In the past it was me doing the asking but this time the roles seem to be reversed and I don’t really know how to handle it. It’s a question of what is appropriate and what’s not and what happens when things don’t work well in the future and you still have to work together. Maybe I’m looking too far forward with this and it is causing some apprehension on my part after being enencumbered for so long. Will it be que sera sera and just deal with the consequences when they come? Or just nip it in the bud now, not proceed with anything, and just keep the status quo? That being: we enjoy working with each other and leave well enough alone. Would I want to encumber my life with this? I have to admit that I could use some company now and then because there are times when my life gets boring. Maybe she has the same idea about companionship. If we don’t proceed, how will I know what she has in mind? As of now, we haven’t had any in depth conversations about our lives and being the private person that I am, I am usually reluctant to open up to other people. Other than my blog, I keep things very close to the vest.
I may have to leave you hanging with this post because I don’t know which direction I’m going yet. It’s not like running. I used to run for time or for distance, meaning I there was direction in what I did. This recent development in my life has no direction yet. Have you heard of the saying “nothing ventured, nothing gained”? I ask myself, do I even want to venture? Also, remember the saying – “it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”? Please allow me to use this, thankfully hardly spoken phrase any more, plus the way I feel about things – “been there, done that, and not ready to do it again”.

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